What Is The Best Way To Respond To Bullying? 10 Strategies That Work!
By Antoine G Larosiliere
The question I get asked the most as an educator is “what is the best way to respond to bullying?”
Times have changed, and most parents aren’t sure what’s appropriate and effective to teach their children. They grew up with the generation that was taught that if you’re being bullied; you roast the bully or beat them up. In today’s standards, that would turn the victim into the aggressor and would end up facing the same consequences as any bully. So, when parents ask me, “what is the best way to respond to bullying,” I respond with this. Your child should respond to bullying by reversing the imbalance of power without escalating the conflict and becoming the aggressor. But what exactly does that really mean? Below are ten of the most effective strategies to execute this idea of reversing the imbalance of power.
#1 Say stop!
Saying “stop” should be the first order or action if someone is being bullied. Bullying is defined as an unwanted, aggressive, behavior with the potential to repeat that involves an imbalance of power. In order to establish that the behavior is unwanted, the victim must make it clear by saying so. Sometimes bullies take your silence as an approval of their behavior. Some bullies don’t pick up on social cues or lack awareness of body language. In any case, leave nothing to interpretation, be vocal and say, “stop!” You can even throw in an, “I don’t like it” for good measure.
#2 Walk away.
Walking away may seem like the most obvious thing to do, but often when we’re in that moment; we don’t. Sometimes it’s because we are shocked at the idea that this is actually happening to us. Sometimes we’re so scared that we become frozen with fear. Others hesitate from walking away because they’re trying to come up with the right response to what is happening. Regardless of what the excuse is, we must make a concerted effort to walk away as soon as possible. Walking away minimizes the abuse, but not sticking around for it to continue.
#3 Remain calm.
It’s very easy to feel stressed and anxious when you’re the victim of constant bullying, but that’s exactly what the bully wants. Bullies often target individuals they can intimidate or at the very least make uncomfortable. So, it’s a great benefit to you, if you can somehow stay calm. Staying calm lets the bully know, you are not easily rattled by their attempts. It also shows the bully that there might be more to you than they realize. Given the situation, it is not always easy to stay calm. Below are a fews strategies that might help.
- Try the three-part breathing technique; which requires you to take one deep breath in and then exhale fully while paying attention to how your body responds.
- Admit to yourself that you’re anxious or upset, this self acknowledgement may cause your anxiety to decrease.
- Instead of thinking of “worse-case scenarios,” be optimistic.
- Use a stress ball to release the energy that’s built up.
- Drop your shoulders to alleviate some tension in your body.
- Visualize yourself being calm.
#4 Trigger some empathy.
It’s well known in education, social work and in the medical field that bullies tend to lack empathy. They don’t put themselves in someone else’s shoes, and they don’t picture their loved ones in the position of the victim they are abusing. Since they haven’t thought about it, this is your opportunity to place those thoughts in their heads. Ask them, “how would you feel if someone did that to you,” or “have you ever thought about the possibility that someone could be doing this to your brother or sister?” There’s a slim chance of this working, but if the bully is alone your odds will increase.
#5 Use Humor.
#5 Use Humor.
In every bullying situation, there’s an imbalance of power. The bully is using their abilities to control how you feel. Your job is to not let that happen, in other words; you need to flip the imbalance of power. How do you do that? You reverse the imbalance of power by acting opposite of what they expect. They expect you to get upset, cry, or maybe even retaliate, but you need to do the opposite of that. One of the strategies is to use your sense of humor. If you have an idea of what they will say to you, make fun of yourself first. Do what they were about to do, before they do it. I call this strategy the preemptive strike. The person bullying may be caught off guard. This only works if the joke is funny.
#6 Make them think You’re crazy.
One of the things I learned growing up and having to deal with bullies is, no one messes with the crazy kid. No one ever knows what the crazy kid will do, or how they will respond and most of the time people don’t test it. Next time they make a comment, yell out something evil or crazy. It will puzzle them, maybe even scare them. A few crazy responses I would yell out randomly are…
“Is that you Satan?”
“Stop! I think they can hear us.”
#7 Be stoic
According to Merriam-Webster; stoicism is a philosophy that says, “wise man should be free from passion, unmoved by joy or grief, and submissive to natural law.” In other words, we should be indifferent to all circumstances of life including pain and pleasure. Since the bully is trying to control your behavior, including how you feel; stoicism doesn’t give the bully satisfaction. It helps flip the imbalance of power by showing the bully you can’t be emotionally controlled. It also makes the bully second guess their abilities and makes them uncomfortable with not being able to predict an outcome. So, keep a straight face and show no emotion. Other strategies that may help in being more stoic include…
- Accepting what you cannot change.
- Always thinking before speaking.
- Not trying to control other people.
- Using every situation as an opportunity to learn.
- Focusing on being fair in every situation.
“wise man should be free from passion, unmoved by joy or grief, and submissive to natural law.”
#8 Use sarcasm.
Sarcasm is defined as, an ironic remark, somewhat rooted in humor, that is intended to mock or satirize something. The purpose of it is to subtly take a shot at the bully without escalating the conflict. This will be your way of indirectly criticising their ridiculous comments. The bully will either be confused by your sarcasm or annoyed that you responded that way. In either case, you are taking their power away because that response is not what they expect. Some examples of sarcasm that you can use on a bully include..
- “You’re brilliant! Did you come up with that on your own?”
- “You should be a comedian! You’re hilarious!”
“Thank you for teaching me what not to do.”
#9 Compliment them.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “kill them with kindness.” That’s exactly what this strategy is. The truth of the matter is no one can keep being mean to someone who’s kind to them. Unfortunately you won’t see results right away, it takes consistency to see the positive results that will come from it. The other problem with this strategy is that it’s the most difficult to execute, but the most rewarding. Most people aren’t in the space, and don’t have the confidence and high self esteem to implement this strategy consistently.
#10 Use Fogging.
Another way to reverse the imbalance of power when someone is being verbally bullied is by fogging. Fogging is defined as neutral or agreeing statements that are used to respond to a bully. Fogging is usually the perfect response if you want to respond without escalating the situation. The bully may also lose interest if they get the reaction they expect. So, do the opposite and use neutral and agreeing responses like “maybe,” “that’s your opinion,” “you’re right,” and “who cares.”
Being bullied is often a traumatic experience that many of us just aren’t prepared for. We either don’t know what to say, or don’t know what to do. If after implementing some of these strategies, the bullying still continues; seek the help of a trusted adult. I hope this has been helpful. Also visit my YouTube channel for more insight to these topics.
The Bully Experience "Daniel's Story"
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