How Do You Spot A Narcissist? (16 signs to look out for)
By Antoine G Larosiliere
In a world filled with bullies, criminals and sociopaths; one of the questions that comes up is, “how do you spot a narcissist?”
Before I ever knew what a narcissist was, I heard horrific stories. On one hand, many narcissists are charming, beautiful, talented, or successful. On the other hand, those good looks and charisma are part of their seduction tactics, and manipulation tools. Narcissists are hurtful people and can be potentially dangerous. So, how do you spot a narcissist? I did some research and interviewed some people, and came up with 16 signs that just might help you side step some landmines.
#1 They Seek Admiration.
“Some narcissists will pretend to care about you but they are disingenuous.”
Narcissists love to talk about themselves and they need an audience to accommodate that. They will tell you about all their accomplishments, their unparalleled abilities, and how others are taken back by them. They won’t ask you questions about what you’ve done, what you’re doing or how you feel. If you offer any information about yourself, they will immediately find a way to refocus the conversation on them. Some narcissists will pretend to care about you but they are disingenuous. They will even use flattery, but they are simply trying to get you to fall for them. It is a seduction tactic.
#2 They talk too much.
Most people overtalk when they are nervous, or feeling insecure; that includes narcissists. The talking is to get people to like them. So the more they talk, the less they believe it’s working. They also love to hear themselves talk, because it’s their way of not just convincing you, but also themselves how awesome they are. Some things to look for that lets you know the narcissist will begin to over-talk are….
- They always have a story better than yours.
- They take your story and relate it to something in their lives.
- They rarely let you get a word in.
- They won’t let you finish your story.
#3 They brag a lot.
Much of all the talking narcissists do is in the form of bragging. Remember their whole purpose is to impress you, get you to like them. To do that, their approach is to brag about their accomplishments, their qualities, even their grandiose future plans. They brag because they need the constant recognition and validation. There is often a degree of exaggeration with their bragging. If they know the relatives of an important person, they’ll say that they know them personally. If they haven’ accomplished their goals yet, they’ll brag about how they will. They’ll make claims of how they should be more successful than they already are.
#4 They have a sense of entitlement.
Narcissists walk around as if the world revolves around them. They feel entitled with the universe and everything in it. They believe they are superior, therefore treat you as if you’re inferior. They want us to believe that they are special, therefore they expect special treatment. They act like rules don’t apply to them. They’ll bend them, go around them and sometimes disregard them entirely. If they get caught doing something wrong, they’ll blame everyone except themselves. They’re goal is to simply get what they want, and believe other’s purpose is to accommodate their needs and wants
#5 They constantly name drop.
Name-dropping is one of the more obvious signs you might be dealing with a narcissist. They like to be associated with high profile individuals and they make sure you know they’re connected. Sometimes the name-dropping is an exaggeration of the actual relationship. They don’t just name-drop in regards to people; no, they name-drop with everything.They name-drop with clothing brands, car make and models, and schools as well.
#6 They are rude.
Narcissists tend to be rude because they are so consumed with themselves, they disregard and are oblivious to anything that has to do with someone else. They will disregard whatever concerns you express to them, because they were never listening in the first place. They are inconsiderate and it will show when they do the following…
- Don’t hold the door open for you.
- Walk ahead of you.
- Don’t let you finish what you were doing.
- Order your food for you.
- Take calls while you’re speaking with them.
- Ignore boundaries that you’ve expressed to them.
#7 They lack boundaries.
Not only do they ignore your boundaries, but they have none themselves. Their sense of entitlement rejects the notion of boundaries. If you are entitled to everything, then no boundary; self imposed or not can get in the way. Remember rules don’t apply to them and neither does boundaries. You’ll notice these narcissists lack boundaries when they…
- They will make inappropriate comments.
- They will curse or raise their voice whenever they feel like it.
- They will initiate inappropriate physical contact and feel it’s ok for them to do so.
- They will call you without notice and show up to your house without an invitation.
- They disregard what you are uncomfortable with and what you won’t tolerate.
#8 Poor team player.
If you’re self-centered, inconsiderate, rude, entitled, with no respect for boundaries; you likely won’t play well with others. Playing well with others would include teamwork; which is necessary in many professions. In a teamwork environment, a narcissist has to think about others feelings, because a big proponent of teamwork is cooperation and relationships. Both are things that are not in a narcissist’s capacity.
#9 They take advantage of others.
You’ll notice this sign a little later. You’ll need more interactions with the narcissist so you can see their relationship dynamics. Eventually you see it with your own eyes. The narcissist will use their coworkers in a way that only benefits them. They will use you for money, sex or to meet other people.
#10 They Tear Down Potential Competitors.
Narcissists don’t care for competition. They want it clear and know that they’re the best, and competition challenges that notion. They are never happy with others’ achievements. All they see is an adversary that needs to be torn down. Don’t take this personally, they do this with everyone, including their loved ones. They believe and project that others are envious of them and not the other way around.
#11 They have a superiority complex.
You can have a sense of entitlement and not have a superiority complex, but you can’t be a narcissist without having a superiority complex. Narcissists see themselves as superior to others, and they go out of their way to make sure you have the same perception of them. If you give them the treatment they feel they deserve, they will act even more abusive towards you. Also keep in mind, if they want you to treat them as if they’re superior, expect them to treat you like you’re inferior.
#12 They are often perfectionists.
You’ll recognize you’re dealing with a narcissist when you see their perfectionist ways. They go out of their way to make sure whatever they are presenting to the public looks perfect. Remember they want us to believe they are superior, therefore what they present must be perfect in the public’s eye. This is an unattainable goal, which leaves the narcissist with much disappointment. Those disappointments cause the narcissist to be miserable and treat others likewise.
#13 They are control freaks.
In every bullying situation, there’s always an imbalance of power that exists. The bully is trying to control how the victim feels or behaves. So, apparently narcissists have that same need for control. Their sense of entitlement justifies why they should be incontrol. This need for control is because in their mind they don’t feel in control. Narcissists exhibit control by…
- Targeting and taking advantage of the codependent’s shortcomings.
- Making others feel special through compliments or flattery.
- Playing games with difficult emotions like guilt to maintain control over their victim.
- Gaslighting or practicing master manipulation to weaken and destabilize their victims.
- Utilizing positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others.
- Telling you your reality by saying things like, “I know you better than you know yourself.”
#14 They lack responsibility.
Although narcissists want to be in control, they assume no responsibility for the results of their controlling behavior. The only time narcissists will assume control is if their grandiose plan is executed to perfection. If anything is less than perfect or goes wrong, they see it as someone else’s fault. Unfortunately often the person who gets the brunt of the blame are the people closest to them. They do this because you are the least likely to abandon them after they blame you.
#15 They are very defensive.
Narcissists have a propensity to misread subtle facial expressions. Since they are trying to hide their insecurities; they get very defensive if you allude to them. Narcissists rarely perceive what you are feeling accurately, and they are typically biased towards reading our facial expressions as negative. When they are feeling edgy, they’ll often misperceive anything you say or do as an attack.
#16 They lack empathy.
There are plenty of people who lack empathy but aren’t narcissists. Their sense of entitlement, taking advantage of others and lacking empathy is what makes narcissists so dangerous. When a narcissist is showing they lack empathy, they’ll do any of the following…
- They criticise others.
- They can’t control their emotions.
- They seem immune to or unaware of other people’s feelings.
- They accuse others of being overly sensitive when they’re upset.
- They constantly overreact.
- They can’t admit when they’re wrong.
- They are inappropriate or insensitive towards others.
- They have a hard time being happy for others’ success.
Narcissists really believe they are awesome, but it’s actually the opposite. They make wonderful first impressions, but don’t let the charm fool you. I hope this article has made them easier to spot. Research shows, some narcissists will even admit it. If you believe that you might fit the profile of a narcissist, seek professional help for an accurate diagnosis. Also visit my YouTube channel for more insight to these topics.
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