Is My Boyfriend a Bully? 13 Bully Types and The Best Way to Deal With Them.
By Antoine G Larosiliere
During the pandemic many people have been spending more time with their partners than usual, and some women are now wondering; is my boyfriend a bully?
Being stuck in quarantine can be rough for everyone. It becomes even more troublesome when the person you’re dating starts to reveal their true selves, and you gotta ask yourself, :is my boyfriend a bully?” Well, if you weren’t quite sure, you will be after reading this article. Bullying is an unwanted, aggressive, often repeated behavior that involves an imbalance of power. There are thirteen types of boyfriend bullies you need to look for. Your boyfriend is a bully if; he constantly points the finger, is verbally abusive, has a propensity to throws things, tries to blackmail you, rejects or antagonize you, withholds relationship essentials, makes you feel like you’re never good enough, embarrasses you in public, throws things in your face, constantly guilt-tripping you and is overprotective.
“His main purpose is to establish he is better than you.”
#1 Mr. Finger Pointer
If you haven’t heard of him, maybe you know him by his other alias’ “Mr. Blame Game, Mr. It’s Not Me, It’s you! This guy is never wrong and it’s never his fault. He points his finger more than a police officer guiding traffic. His main purpose is to establish he is better than you. By blaming you for everything, you eventually will start to feel inferior. You begin to doubt yourself and he begins to feel better and better about himself. When he begins to point the finger…
- Don’t Agree or disagree, just say “ok:” If you disagree, he will keep arguing. If you agree, he will feel empowered. Don’t give him either satisfaction.
- If he continues to press the issue, laugh it off: Don’t show any signs of you believing he is right.
#2 The Screamer
This guy must be tone deaf or something. Always screaming to get his point across. He screams because he’s afraid of not being heard or understood. He is a poor communicator as well as someone who lacks discipline who screams out of frustration. Sometimes the frustrations are with himself not you. Yelling and screaming is a form of disrespect because it’s aggressive and you’re crossing boundaries that make people uncomfortable. It takes discipline to be frustrated during an augment and not cross those boundaries. When “The Screamer” begins screaming…
- Don’t reciprocate: Raising your voice will only keep the volume up.
- Speak calmly and politely ask him to adjust his tone.
- If he continues to scream, stop speaking and wait.
- If the screaming still continues, walk away.
#3 The Verbal Abuser
If you’re like me, then you’re just as sensitive to verbal abuse. My mother was verbally abusive and it’s usually my biggest deal-breaker. This type of guy will use profanity when speaking with you, engage in name-calling, trade insults and even mock you. This guy sometimes sees nothing wrong with his verbiage. To him, it’s normal because he more than likely grew up in an environment where it’s acceptable. He uses verbal abuse as a tactic to avoid discussing the real problems. He figures, if he upsets or offends you enough, the conversation will be terminated. When this guy starts to be verbally abusive…
- Do not tolerate it under any circumstance.
- Ignore it, but you must walk away afterwards.
- You can laugh: To show he has no power over you, but you must walk away afterwards.
- Do not reciprocate the verbal abuse: It will only cause the abuse to escalate or transform into another type of abuse.
#4 The Thrower
This guy is the adult version of a child who throws temper tantrums. The child does it to get what they want, well so does the adult. But you won’t see the adult stammering his feet, this guy throws things instead. He uses this as an intimidation tactic to either get what he wants, or avoid what he doesn’t want. He figures if he shows he can lose control, you’ll either be too scared or too embarrassed to deny him what he wants. When he starts throwing things…
- Do not throw things back at him.
- Do not pick up the things that he’s thrown, unless they are of great value to you.
- Do not yell, scream or use profanity.
- Do respond with physical violence.
- Stay calm: It shows that he can’t intimidate you, or overpower you.
- Leave the premises as soon as possible: Do not allow yourself to stay in a potentially dangerous situation.
#5 The Blackmailer
This guy will threaten to break up with you, share your secrets with others and even threaten to kill himself. Remember that the nature of bullying is control. The imbalance of power bullies try to impose on you, is really just control. That’s exactly the intention of the threats he makes. This guy is trying to get you to love him, or stay with him by threatening to hurt you, or threatening to hurt himself. Also keep in mind that he likely came from much abuse, so this destructive behavior is all he knows. You know you are being manipulated but your fear of being alone is why you stay. When this guy starts making threats…
- Don’t take it personal: Remember it’s all he knows. Hurt people, hurt other people.
- Do not tolerate it.
- Ignore him and walk away.
- Do not threaten him back: It may lead to violence.
- Do not respond with physical violence: You could potentially put yourself in a dangerous situation.
- Walk away as soon as possible.
#6 Mr. Rejection
This guy will purposely be cold or stand-off-ish towards you as a means of punishing you. They might even detach themselves from your family and friends to punish you further. If they are displeased with you, the proper thing to do is leave. But they rather use this tactic to control you. They’re trying to make you feel as lonely and unappreciated as possible, so you can jump through hoops to get what they’re not giving you. They want you to become more dependent on them. When he starts rejecting you…
- Don’t solicit their affection: Whatever affection they give you will be temporary and conditional.
- Do not ask for forgiveness if you’ve done nothing wrong: This will feed into what they’re already doing to you.
- Don’t wait around for him to break up with you: If you did something wrong, he should forgive you and move on. If he can’t forgive you, break up with him.
- If you’ve done nothing wrong, walk away: He doesnt deserve you, and you don’t deserve to be treated like that.
#7 The Antagonizer
This guy loves to make something out of nothing. He lives for drama, and will pick an argument with anybody, not just you. They take offense to almost everything and are always on the attack. Their intention is to get underneath your skin and upset you. Their insecurities always makes them feel like they’re being attacked, so this is their way of attacking back. They want to reciprocate the discomfort they felt when you said, or did what you did. When he begins to antagonize you…
- Don’t take it personal: It’s not about you, it’s about his insecurities.
- Don’t argue back: He will turn things on you and play victim.
- Don’t resort to disrespect or violence: He will definitely act like you’re the villain.
- Walk away: Protect your peace, and give him time to reflect.
#8 The Withholder
This guy is another manipulator whose main tactic is withholding what makes it a relationship. He withholds affection, conversations, sharing, and even sex. He uses these essentials as a means to bargain, while disregarding the selfishness of his actions. He wants to starve you out, so you’d be willing to compromise anything. When he starts to withhold certain things…
- Hold your ground and don’t give in to it.
- Don’t admit to anything you haven’t done wrong.
- Don’t retaliate in any fashion.
- Don’t get desperate: Use that time to love yourself.
#9 Mr. “Let Me Upgrade You”
With this guy, nothing you do is ever good enough. They will diminish your accomplishments, criticise your appearance and discourage your dreams and goals. And on top of that, they’ll proceed to tell you what you should do and how you should do it. It’s like being in a relationship with a boss that despises you. He does this usually because he’s jealous of you or unhappy with himself. His goal is to devalue you and make you feel as inadequate as he feels; and become dependent on his advice. He fears you will leave him, if you realize your true worth. When He starts to tear you down…
- Do not tolerate it under any circumstance.
- Ignore it, and walk away afterwards.
- You can laugh: To show you don’t believe him, but you must walk away afterwards.
- Do not reciprocate: No good will come from it.
- Stay calm and express to him how this makes you feel.
- Set boundaries: Express to him what you’ll tolerate and what you won’t.
- Get him some help: If you love him.
- Leave him: If he’s not receptive to change.
#10 The Embarressor
This guy loves to do things in front of other people. He’ll yell at you, antagonize you, blackmail you; anything to embarrass or humiliate you in public. His goal is to devalue you and he wants the world to see it. Doing it in front of others fulfills two needs for him. It gives him some of the attention he’s craving and makes him feel better about himself; since others can now see you’re not better than him. When he starts embarrassing you publicly…
- Don’t sit there and tolerate it.
- Stay calm: Don’t show that he’s upsetting you.
- Don’t retaliate
- Get up and walk away.
#11 Mr. “Throw Things In Your Face”
If you need help of any sorts; this is the guy to stay away from. Because whatever he helped you with will resurface in every argument. His goal is to remind you of his importance, because deep down inside he doesn’t feel important. This is not something that will go away even if you show gratitude at the time of the assistance. Nor will it go away if you ask him not to bring it up, instead he’ll make indirect references to it. If this guy starts throwing things in your face…
- Acknowledge how helpful he was at the time.
- Ask him to not bring it up again: He will still bring it up, but at least you’re on record.
- Refrain from accepting his assistance in the future.
- Excuse yourself from his presence: If he throws it in your face again, since he can’t respect your wishes.
#12 The “Guilt Tripper”
Guilt is a strong emotion and unfortunately this guy will use it to manipulate you. When someone is guilt-tripping you, they directly say it or imply that a particular situation is your fault. They say things like, “if you really cared about me, you would….” or “You always leave me out, you should let me……” The goal is to make you feel bad about it to the point where you’ll allow yourself to cave in or be used for other purposes. When he tries to guilt-trip you…
- Don’t give in to it.
- Respond by declining empathetically. Example: “I’m sorry if it looks like I keep leaving you out, it’s usually not my call.”
- Ask questions to see where the guilt-tripping is coming from.
- Don’t take it personally.
- Talk and find a mutually beneficial solution.
#13 Mr. Overprotectiveness
Let’s call it like it really is; this guy is jealous. Always losing his mind when you meet new people, always wondering who you’re with and what you’re doing. They constantly accuse you of flirting, and cheating. They always feel they have to be by your side, all it’s all because they are not secure with who they are. He might place the blame on you, but the truth is; it has nothing to do with you. His goal in being so overprotective is control. He’s trying to control you, because deep down inside; he feels he’s not good enough and afraid you might leave him. If he begins to be overprotective…
- Express how you feel.
- Express his importance in your life.
- Don’t flirt with others in front of him.
- Don’t change who you are.
- Don’t lie or try to deceive him.
- Show him public displays of affection.
- Reassure him you love him.
- Try couples counseling.
Keep in mind, this has to be a repeated behavior. Doing any of these abusive things once, may not mean that a person is a bully. The person must show a pattern. The pattern indicates that these behaviors are his personal qualities. Hopefully this article will help you make the right decisions in your relationships. Also visit my YouTube channel for more insight to these topics.
The Bully Experience "Daniel's Story"
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