How do I deal with adversity? Top 10 most effective strategies I use.
By Antoine G Larosiliere
When you’re having a hard time in life, it’s easy to get stuck wondering, how do I deal with adversity?
I’m not the only one that has lost a job, been heartbroken, had loved ones pass, and couldn’t imagine better days. It wasn’t that long ago when I had to ask myself, how do I deal with adversity? Now, there isn’t a problem that can leave me feeling defeated and after reading this article, you’ll know exactly what I did to get there. How do I deal with adversity? First I find the humor in the situation, then I embrace how the situation makes me feel, I accept the part I played in the adversity, I construct a solution, seek insight from my trusted advisors, realize it means I’m getting closer to my goals, then realize the problem is an opportunity for growth, expect the unexpected, and focus on the greater purpose.
Research shows that when you are laughing, “your body releases endorphins and dopamine,” which are chemicals that make the body feel good.
#1 Find humor in the situation.
Many experts have referred to laughter being one of the best remedies to life’s struggles. I personally can attest to this, being that it is the first strategy I use and highly recommend. Although it might require you actually having a sense of humor. Research shows that when you are laughing, “your body releases endorphins and dopamine,” which are chemicals that make the body feel good. These chemicals “release tension and recalibrates your brain. I found that it doesn’t completely lift the burden, but it does lighten the load. It’s an effective coping mechanism that everyone could benefit from. Some of the ways I use humor to relieve the impact of my problems is by…
- Laughing and trying to find humor in the timing of my struggles.
- If it’s someone who has passed: Remember humorous times spent with them.
- Going to a comedy club if possible.
- Watching a comedic movie.
- Watching stand-up comedy online or on live stream.
- Creating and writing down your own jokes or humorous stories centered around the situation.
#2 Embrace how the situation makes you feel.
It’s important to embrace how you feel, so you can be intune with changes in your emotion. Being in tune with your emotions helps provide insight to what helps you feel better and what doesn’t. But before you can do that, we must find the courage to admit how you truly feel first. Don’t run away from your emotions or suppress them. Your emotions provide useful information to what is happening to you psychologically and biologically as well. Once you’ve acknowledged them, it’s time to embrace them. Appreciate the emotions, because they allow us to engage in many of life’s beautiful experiences. Embracing those vulnerabilities we have, makes us that more real, makes us that more genuine.
#3 Accept the part you played in the adversity.
No problem ever gets truly resolved without a degree of accountability. Blaming others, won’t fix the problem. Without accountability, we only fix the surface problem. The surface problem isn’t the real problem. The surface problem is only a byproduct of the real problem. The real problem answers the question, “what have I done or is doing that allows this problem to exist?” Accept that you might have made a mistake that helped lead to this problem. To successfully accept the part you played in the adverse situation, you must…
- Ask yourself, “who or what caused this problem to happen?”
- Then ask yourself, “what have I done, or is doing that allowed this problem to exist?”
- Then figure out what you could have done differently.
#4 Minimize any contribution your vice has had on the adversity.
We all have a vice, whether we admit it to ourselves or not, or whether we realize it or not. A vice is anything we do that helps us cope with any uncomfortable aspect of life. A vice can be drinking alcohol or smoking, or any form of obsessive use of an activity that helps us relax or take some tension off. Most of the time we don’t realize that our vices sometimes play a part in contributing to the adverse situation. To minimize any future contributions your vice will have on your adverse situation, you must ask yourself…
- Is there something I do often that helps me relax or take the edge of?
- Is the duration or frequency of this activity interfering with other priorities?
- Has the time spent on my vice made it easier for this adverse situation to exist?
- How do I keep my vices from interfering with my priorities.
- How do I prevent my vices from interfering with the solution to this adverse situation.
#5 Begin to construct a solution.
Sometimes, there is nothing more troubling than when you don’t have a solution to a problem. It’s especially more stressful when that something is important to you. And usually the longer it takes, the more daunting it feels. There is a huge amount of weight that falls off your shoulders when you finally have an idea for a solution. To begin to construct a solution, I usually …
- Create a goal: For example, if you are fired from your job, the goal should be getting a new and better job. If you’re failing your classes, the goal should be passing all your classes.
- Assign a specific timeline to achieve this goal while leaving room for some flexibility: Usually weeks or months, but can be a couple of years long.
- Come up with specific action steps: For example,
1)Reach out to all your professors to get an extension on assignments.
2)Reach out to a tutor for extra help.
3)Devise a study schedule for every assignment.
4)Cancel all plans and extracurricular activities.
These steps should also directly address how you’ve contributed to the problem. - Assign a specific timeline for each step: Usually takes days or weeks for each step.
- Come up with specific day to day actions: These actions should minimize your participation in vices and other behaviors that have led to the problem.
- Assign a specific timeframe for each day to day action: Usually takes minutes or hours to execute.
#6 Deliberate with your trusted advisors.
Once you have an idea of how you’ve contributed to the problem and you have the basis of a solution it’s time to seek counsel. Hopefully you have a small circle of friends and trusted associates that can offer at least 1-2 insightful perspectives to your dilemma. More than likely your situation isn’t unique and others have gone through the same thing. Hearing that others have been there, will provide you with a degree of comfort. To effectively deliberate your dilemma with your trusted advisors, you must…
- Make sure you have encouraging and insightful friends or associates in your circle.
- Share your dilemma with them, without sharing your thoughts on a solution: You don’t want to influence their thoughts or words.
- After they’ve shared their insight with you, reveal what your proposed solution was going to be.
- See if they would do anything differently and their reasons why.
- Apply their insights to your situation and tweek your solution if need be.
#7 Realize you’re getting closer to your goal.
I remember this quote from when I had worked in finance that stuck with me. I don’t remember the author, but it said; “the closer you get to your goals, adversity increases.” Ever Since then, I would pay close attention to if achievements come immediately after the struggles in my life. Truth be told, after every adverse situation, there was an achievement. Sometimes it wasn’t immediately after and almost always the achievements were greater than problems that preceded it. So now, when I’m faced with adversity, I realize there are achievements on the horizon. And instead of being overwhelmed and defeated by the problem, I look forward to the achievements that will follow. To realize adversity is actually you getting closer to goals…
- Pay attention to the goals that are met after an adverse situation.
- If no goals were met; chances are, you didn’t solve the problem.
- Look at every problem as an achievement waiting to be reached.
“Within every problem lies an opportunity to solve the problem.”
#8 Realize that the problem is an opportunity for growth.
Before I continue with step #6, I want to preface it by saying, “it’s the most illuminating yet difficult step.” Within every problem lies an opportunity to solve the problem. Therefore every problem is essentially a chance to become better. To me, it’s not a matter of perception, It’s a matter of reality. The reality is that the problem is a disguise. The real identity of the problem is opportunity. Therefore, you should no longer fear or be burdened with the problem, just be appreciative for the opportunity you’ve been given.
#9 Expect the unexpected.
Once you’ve gone through steps 1-6, begin to expect the unexpected. More important than that, you won’t fear the unexpected. Once you’ve come to the realization that problems don’t exist, you’ll be able to handle any unexpected event; adverse or otherwise. You will be able to do so, because you’ll believe whatever comes your way is merely preparing you for greatness.
#10 Focus on the greater purpose.
When you’re struggling or facing adversity, it’s helpful to be clear on what your purpose is. In other words, the “why” to your actions. If there is a great purpose to your actions, then you’ll be more consistent and forthright. You’ll have the motivation to persevere through the tough times. And through that perseverance, you’ll find success. To focus on the greater purpose of my actions, I had to…
- Ask myself if this goal is greatly important to me?
- If it is, I had to determine why this goal is important to me?
- How does reaching this goal make me a better person?
- How does this goal help my family, my community and make the world a better place.
Life is a beautiful journey filled with unexpected twists and turns. Many of these life altering events can be challenging for all of us, and it’s important to share with each other what can make the journey less troublesome. The journey requires us to either accept our blessings or submit to our pain and struggles. I hope this has been helpful. Also visit my YouTube channel for more insight to these topics.
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