What Is The Best Way To Deal With A Narcissist? (10 strategies that work)
By Antoine G Larosiliere
After listening to a family member who’s ex husband is a narcissist; I started wondering, “what is the best way to deal with a narcissist?”
I can’t imagine the challenges someone who has to deal with a narcissist on a regular basis has. Narcissists try to manipulate you and every situation to their benefit and won’t show your well being any regard. After learning that a family member was dealing with a narcissist; I had to ask her, “what is the best way to deal with a narcissist?” With her help and a bit of research, we were able to put together a list of the 10 most effective strategies. So, if you’re someone who’s dealing with a narcissist, wait no longer; help is here.
#1 Anticipate their behavior.
It is very important when you’re dealing with a narcissist you have to be prepared. To do that you have to anticipate their narcissist behavior. Expect the manipulation, defensiveness, the comments, the lack of empathy; all of it. By anticipating it, it won’t affect you as much and you won’t get caught off guard. It will also set you up to be better prepared to respond and to react more effectively.
“Boundaries teach people how to treat you.”
#2 Establish boundaries.
Boundaries teach people how to treat you. You have to set clear and uncompromising boundaries for yourself and others. Without these boundaries, you are indirectly allowing others to take advantage of you. Let all your coworkers, family and friends know, especially the narcissist; what you will tolerate and not tolerate. Part of doing so is saying no to what you won’t tolerate and not allowing yourself to be coerced.
#3 Gather evidence and documentation.
You must document as much interaction and correspondence as possible. Document what the narcissist says and when they said it. Write everything down verbatim. If you have email or text message proof; that’s even better. Document all their wrong doings and forms of abuse and try to take pictures for evidence. This will all set you up to speak with an attorney, HR or the management team; if you wish later on.
#4 Don’t take it personal.
Narcissists usually target coworkers who are a threat or are well liked. The narcissist targets anyone that takes attention away from them, so they can prove they are superior. Remember that the narcissist’s attacks have nothing to do with you. Everything they do is centered around them, and the insecurity they feel when the attention is not on them. I realize this can be difficult to believe since they try to portray the exact opposite, but any therapist will tell you the same thing. Once you realize, it has nothing to do with you, you won’t take it personally; and responding effectively will be easier to execute.
#5 Don’t retaliate.
One way of responding effectively is by not retaliating against the abuse. Narcissists are great at exploiting your weakness, then use it against you, so you take it personally. By doing this, they get to control how you feel or your behavior. Once you take it personally, you’re likely to retaliate against the abuse which is likely what they are trying to achieve. If you retaliate; they’ll turn everyone’s attention to it and he will succeed at portraying you as inferior. That’s why it’s important to first, not take it personally. If you don’t retaliate, you’ll reverse the imbalance of power relationship that exists between you and the narcissist. When you don’t retaliate, they’ll see that they can’t manipulate your behavior; which will help diminish their attacks.
#6 Don’t argue with them.
Arguing with a narcissist is the most draining, not to mention a complete waste of time. You can’t correct them because they believe they are always right. If you challenge them, they’ll take it as an attack on their intelligence or character. They will constantly try to spin things as if it’s your fault. Let them believe they’re right, they will eventually sabotage themselves.
#7 Never be alone with them.
Don’t allow yourself to be alone with them. If they surprise you with a random visit, excuse yourself and go to a public area. If they request to speak with you privately, it’s in your best interest to bring someone with you as a witness. Having a witness there might reduce the chances of the narcissist to say or do something abusive. It also protects you from lies being told about your interactions with the narcissist. You’ll have someone to corroborate your side of the story.
#8 Detach and let go of any need for them.
Narcissists have an inflated perception of their self importance. They want everyone to need, and depend on them so they can take advantage of you. It is paramount for you to project your independence to them. Whatever you relied on them for, find other resources to provide those same needs or services. Removing your need for them is another way to reverse the imbalance of power that exists in the relationship.
#9 Avoid contact.
This may be the most difficult depending on where you are and what the dynamics are. You could possibly share the same cubicle or office space; or part of the same team meetings. Maybe it’s a relative you live with. In those instances, the other strategies would be more effective. But if your work dynamic does allow you to avoid contact with the narcissist, please do so for your own peace of mind.
#10 Be patient.
If you follow the previous strategies such as establishing boundaries, not taking it personal, nor retaliating and keeping your distance to name a few; patience is the only thing left. If you give it a chance the narcissists always wear out their welcome. They will eventually expose themselves and fall on their own. So, be patient, it takes time for things to work themselves out.
I know in the movies it may appear as if narcissists often win, but that is rarely the case in real life. Narcissists almost always lose. They may not lose in the way you hope for them to lose, but they lose nonetheless. They are too dysfunctional to have a healthy and happy outcome. I hope this has been helpful. Also visit my YouTube channel for more insight to these topics.
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