How to spot a bully at work? 20 signs every coworker should know.
By Antoine G Larosiliere
Now that everyone is heading back to work after dealing with a pandemic, we’re going to need to know how to spot a bully at work?
According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, more than 60 million working people in the United States are affected by bullying. Chances are at some point we’re going to have to deal with a bully and we’ll need to know how to spot a bully at work. After consulting with colleagues, and doing some research; I was able to narrow it down to twenty of the most eye opening signs.
#1 They are always lying.
One of the signs to look for is lying. But not just occasional lies, they are repeatedly lying, or concealing the truth. The “Wannabe” type of bully lies to fit in, or to get recognition from others. Whereas the “Sociopath” type of bully is a compulsive liar who lies about everything to get what they want. Other reasons bullies may lie include…
- To avoid being punished.
- To get an unearned reward.
- To avoid embarrassment.
- To hide their motives.
- To control others behavior and emotions.
- They want the lie to be true.
#2 They are rude and offensive.
You may not know their name, but you’ll know who this person is. They are usually loud, rude and use a lot of profanity in the workplace. They are not very well liked, and don’t make an effort to be liked. They tend to make offensive comments and demeaning jokes that would qualify as prejudicial bullying as well as sexual bullying. They often will participate in the spread of untrue rumors and gossip. The “Witch” is the type of workplace bully that uses these tactics to humiliate their coworkers.
“anyone affected by the offensive conduct can claim harassment.”
#3 They will harass you.
Harassment should be taken seriously in any workplace. It may involve someone stealing, misplacing or tampering with your personal belongings. It could also mean this co-worker is constantly lurking or spying on you. This person could also be pestering you for information on your whereabouts or job related duties in the form of micromanagement. Harassment could be based on race, color, religion, sexual orientation or gender. Also keep in mind the victim does not have to be the individual harassed, anyone affected by the offensive conduct can claim harassment.
#4 They try to intimidate you.
This is when your co-worker intentionally communicates with you in a way that induces fear. They usually force or persuade someone to behave or say things that go against their will or are contrary to what they intend to do or normally do. They will make either direct or indirect threats either in person or through emails and texts. They could make threats to have you disciplined or terminated. They’ll threaten you with physical, emotional or psychological abuse. Keep in mind there are circumstances when intimidation can cross the line into illegal, or even criminal behavior.
#5 They are unnecessarily aggressive.
This person likely has anger management issues. It’s not just yelling, but their tone is often aggressive; as well as their word choice. They show impulsive behavior that is not appropriate for the workplace. They’ll pound on the desk, slam doors, slam phones, snatch papers or other supplies from someone else’s hand. They’ll kick a table, a chair, or stomp the ground as they walk away.
#6 They often show jealousy.
Showing jealousy does not help teamwork productivity and workplace morale. Jealous coworkers see your progress, growth or advancement at the job as being unfair. They will comment or try to interfere with any recognition of your abilities. They will also do certain things like..
- Make comments about how your work is more exciting than theirs.
- Making sure they’re always “too busy” to help you.
- They mock you when you get recognition from your boss or the leadership team.
- They refuse to collaborate with you and like to disagree with what you say.
#7 They ignore you.
Giving a coworker the silent treatment is a form of passive-aggressive behavior. It’s an indirect way of punishing someone to affect how they feel or their work performance. They will purposely ignore you and avoid speaking or listening to you. If you’re speaking at a meeting, they will not pay attention. They will intentionally interact with the people around you while acting like you’re not there. They will also talk about you to other people while refusing to say your name.
#8 They criticize and single out every mistake.
This coworker comes off as a hater the most. They always have a comment and most of the time it’s a criticism of your work attire, work performance, your abilities, or your status in the organization. Their reasons are usually baseless and stem from jealousy. They anticipate your every move, so they can evaluate and attack every mistake. These people are miserable and their actions should not be taken personally.
#9 They cause contention amongst employees.
It’s one thing to have a toxic person in the workplace, but when their toxicity begins to spread; it becomes a much bigger problem. They will deliberately pit coworkers against one another with lies and rumors. They create conflict and unhealthy competition with deceit. They openly and covertly encourage employees to turn on each other for insignificant gains. They turn collaboration into contention and arguments. The work environment becomes tense with the disappearance of trust and decency.
#10 They try to sabotage you.
This is when things start to get real ugly. The bullying coworker becomes vindictive and wants to be the reason you fail. They’ll go out of their way to set up your mistakes, then take their revenge when the opportunity strikes. Other forms of sabotage will include…
- Purposely delay a coworker’s progress or success.
- Going out of their way to block deployment of resources and supplies you need.
- Interfering with your projects and assignments.
- Repeatedly betraying you.
- Promising you opportunities, then giving them to others.
- Undermine your abilities by changing your duties, or assigning projects.
- Intentionally withhold information from you and give you the wrong information.
- Purposely changing expectations to set you up to fail.
#11 They play dumb about your concerns.
Some coworkers are dumb, and some just play dumb when it benifits them. The ones that play dumb are the issue here. They purposely dodge an issue that will hold them liable or culpable. They will act oblivious as means of escaping or avoiding responsibility. They will change the subject of conversation to avoid transparency of certain issues. They will also cancel meetings, call out sick so others will be forced to assume responsibility in their absence.
#12 They try to make you feel ineffective.
Sometimes the signs will be subtle, but it’s still important to identify. One subtle way to spot a coworker who’s a bully is by what they do to make you feel ineffective. One way they do that is by never communicating to you your progress on the job. As if to say, your achievements don’t make much of an impact. They’ll make you feel underused by giving you the easiest responsibilities, or the most undesirable ones to imply they don’t value your time or your effectiveness.
#13 They try to exclude you.
Exclusion is a form of social bullying that happens in every stage of life. In the workplace it becomes a rapport killer. A work bully sometimes will exclude someone from social or professional activities. The activities may include social gatherings, professional meetings, or simple conversations. This is an attempt to make them feel socially or physically isolated from their coworkers. It’s also to send a message to the excluded individual that you’re not liked or valued. Not only will it affect the person being targeted, but it also makes other coworkers who are witnessing the exclusion uncomfortable. It can also place guilt on the individuals that are part of the excluding group.
#14 They constantly shift blame.
Shifting blame will be a consistent sign for most bullies. They are defensive, and shift blame to put the focus back on you. Shifting blame keeps them from facing their ugly truths. It allows them to keep running from addressing the real problem; which is them. They will use any and everyone as a scapegoat. When they are shifting blame, they’ll say things like…
- “I’m sorry, but…”
- “Well, if you would stop doing the same thing over and over, I wouldn’t.”
- “It’s because the boss is so hard on me.”
- “So what now, you don’t trust me?”
- “Why are you doing this; what is wrong with you?”
#15 They try to make you feel guilty.
Making someone feel guilty is a manipulative tool many workplace bullies use. The goal is to make the other person feel that they are the problem. They want to make you feel incompetent and unworthy of opportunity, trust or forgiveness. They say and do things like…
- Trying to get you to admit what you did.
- Mention other things you’ve done wrong.
- Say, “ this makes you question the way they feel about you.”
- They’ll remind you of the good they’ve done for you.
- Deflect all responsibility on their part.
- Will start acting emotional and dramatic, as if you hurt them.
#16 They make excuses for their actions.
This sign you’re probably used to seeing in non bullies as well, but it’s very much a bully trait. Bullies don’t want to accept that they’re bullies, so they make excuses for their behavior. Making excuses justifies their current behavior and tries to force us to tolerate it. They’ll say things like…
- “I’m too old to change.”
- “I shouldn’t have to do that, it’s not who I am.”
- “I was never taught that.”
- “I shouldn’t have to learn that.”
- “I’m not hurting anyone by doing it this way.”
- “I don’t see why I should be friendly at work.”
#17 They discredit you and take credit.
When you take credit for things you’re not solely responsible for, you discredit others at the same time. Taking credit from you is an attempt to control your positioning in the company. It’s also a form of theft; you’re stealing others ideas, efforts and contributions and purposely not acknowledging them. They are deliberately casting your reputation into doubt.
#18 They belittle and diminish your concerns.
According to Merriam-Webster, belittling is defined as causing someone to seem little or less. This coworker will consistently disparage someone’s opinions, ideas, work ethic or intelligence. They’ll diminish your concerns, and at times won’t even acknowledge them. They will discount your personal circumstances as if they’re irrelevant or insignificant. When they belittle you, they’ll also…
Question your choices.
Correct what you say and what you do.
Mock what you say.
Give them advice in a condescending way.
Disregard what you say.
Refuse to compromise with you.
#19 They go behind your back.
Talking behind your back is a weak thing for a coworker to do, but don’t be surprised by it. And if the workplace environment is a healthy one, they’ll excoriate the bully for doing this. In many instances this weak act will add to the toxicity of the work environment. The bullies intention is to turn others against you by creating a narrative where you look incompetent, or complicit in the failings of the workplace.
#20 They try to humiliate you publicly.
Nobody’s a fan of public humiliation, especially in the workplace. It’s embarrassing and degrading to be excoriated in front of your coworkers, but some workplace bullies will take it there. This will pick on you, or single you out during meetings. They will take cheap shots at your character or abilities when others are around and never apologize. They’ll make an insensitive joke when you’re not alone, then follow it up with, “I was just kidding.”
Bullying can be overt, or subtle; but the intention is always to do harm, or control someone else. It could be spiteful, offensive, or intimidating. It’s usually a pattern, and is directed at one person or a few people, but these 20 signs will help you spot these toxic people. I hope that this has been helpful. Also visit my YouTube channel for more insight to these topics.
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