How do you build courage and get rid of fear? 13 steps that changed me.
By Antoine G Larosiliere
This article will probably help me as much as it will help you, because for a long time I had no answer for “how do I build courage and get rid of fear.”
For years I would have conversations about facing our fears with one of my closest friends; and the conversation always ended up with me saying to him, “courage doesn’t grow on trees.” I was able to help him with everything else, except courage. That’s because I believed at the time, courage is something you’re born with. Well, if you thought the same thing; I have news for you. I did some research, and I’m happy to say, “I was wrong.” How do you build courage and get rid of fear? Discover and label the fear, educate yourself, assess if the fear affects your quality of life, realize it won’t go away, embrace it, temporarily remove the emotion, realize the greater the fear; the greater the reward, don’t worry about things you can’t control, make a choice to be courageous, try new things, visualize your success, find a role-model for inspiration and practice.
Being honest with yourself is a courageous act that many people avoid.
#1 Discover and label your fear.
The very first thing we need to figure out is what are our fears? Be honest with yourself about the things you are afraid of. This first step is the first sign of courage. Being honest with yourself is a courageous act that many people avoid. It is uncomfortable, but illuminating. Labeling the fear gives it a specific identity. Without doing this, you can’t even begin to target a specific fear and build courage. To identify and label your fear; you must…
- Make a list of the times you were afraid, or felt anxiety.
- Re-visit the circumstances that led up to each fearful moment: Ask yourself, “did the circumstances cause this fear, or was it always there?”
- Then take a deeper look inside each fear and determine the deeper, underlying fear. Example: Are you really afraid of flying, or are you afraid of death? Are you really afraid of your boss, or afraid of losing your job?
- Label each fear: Give it a name, but I suggest you google the actual name of such a fear.
#2 Educate yourself on the fear.
Once you’ve specifically identified your fears, you can begin to educate yourself about the nature of that fear. Research each fear and learn as much as possible about them. People almost always fear what they don’t understand, so aim at building that knowledge base. Having a fair amount of knowledge of your fears, will bring a degree of comfort and familiarity. You likely still will have the fear, but you will no longer be ignorant of where it comes from, how it makes you feel and potential remedies that might exist. Realizing remedies or solutions exist will also lower your anxieties some.
#3 Assess if the fear affects your quality of life.
If you have a limited amount of time as I do, you’ll want to be as efficient as possible. In other words, let’s not put too much time in on fears that have little impact on our lives. These things that we are afraid of, is it much to do about nothing? Are we making a bigger deal about something that is really minor? You might realize that the fear and the anxiety that comes with it, is actually greater than the impact it has on your life. To assess if your fears will affect your quality of life…
- Take the list of fears you have created and break them into two categories. Great impact, and little impact. For each one, ask yourself…
- Will conquering this fear lead you to success?
- Will not conquering this fear keep you from success in any aspect of your life?
- Will the worst that can happen have a great impact on your life?
#4 Realize if you never face your fears, they never go away.
Just like in scary movies, we tend to run or try to hide from the things that scare us. It’s a natural instinct that is designed to protect us from real danger. Unfortunately in real life, running away from everything that scares us, isn’t healthy and doesn’t allow us to live fulfilling lives. And newsflash, your fears don’t just disappear after a certain amount of time. The only way these fears go away is by facing them. Once you realize that, your choice is simple. Live the rest of your life in fear, or find the courage to see what lies beyond those fears.
#5 Embrace your fears.
With almost every experience and every emotion; to conquer or overcome it, we must embrace it first. Sit with the experience or with those emotions and allow yourself to really feel them. Pay attention to the anxiety you’re feeling, look at your sweaty palms, and feel your pulse quicken. Become as familiar with those emotions as possible. The goal here is to no longer be intimidated by those emotions. Get used to them, and gain some comfortability with them. Eventually you’ll realize it’s only a feeling, it’s not life and death. To embrace your fears, you must…
- Sit or lay down when you feel them.
- Pay attention to how your body parts are responding: Is your leg shaking, are your palms sweaty?
- Pay attention to your breathing: Is it accelerating, getting shorter, or longer?
- Feel your pulse or place your hand over your heart: Does it quicken when you think of certain things? Does it slow down when you have other thoughts?
- Pay attention to what’s happening inside your stomach.
- See how long these feelings last.
#6 Temporarily remove the emotion of fear.
After you’ve embraced the fear, you need to learn how to temporarily remove the emotions. Try to think of fear as just being chemicals Fear is a reaction in the brain that ends with the release of chemicals. Those chemicals are what causes physical reactions, such as your heartbeat racing. To counter that, we have to find ways to engage the part of our brain that reasons; our prefrontal cortex. In other words, we have to trick our minds to minimize the release of these fear chemicals. We can do this by keeping our minds busy with emotionally neutral tasks; such as…
- Reading a science or math book
- Doing crossword puzzles
- Paying bills.
- Filling out paperwork
- Responding to business emails and correspondence
- Problem solving activities
#7 Realize the greater the fear, the greater the reward.
There’s a degree of satisfaction you receive after almost every accomplishment, no matter how big or small. Conquering a fear is an accomplishment as well where you’ll also receive various degrees of satisfaction. When you’re trying to conquer a particular fear, it’s important that you focus on the reward more than the fear. And you should try to remember, the greater the fear, the greater the reward. This helps guide your perspective to be more positive and a positive mind will lead to less anxiety.
#8 Don’t worry about things you can’t control.
So many people drive themselves crazy worrying about things they can’t control. They spend countless hours thinking about what could happen, and even more time thinking how to prevent these things from happening. It’s a waste of time and energy. This is exactly the behavior of people who lack courage. What they’re probably thinking is, “if I can prevent the situation that would require me to be courageous from happening, I won’t have to be courageous.” Instead, your focus should be what you can control, and I’m referring to “your actions.” And when the time comes, choose to be courageous. To focus on what you can control, you should…
- Don’t worry about what could happen, focus on how you will respond.
- Don’t spend time trying to prevent what others could do, just focus on doing your part.
- Don’t worry about what others will say, just make sure you act and speak accordingly.
- Don’t worry about how others will respond to your actions; live in the moment and be at peace with your actions.
#9 Choosing to be courageous is the most pivotal part.
There are so many aspects of life that we assume just happens, when in actuality; more often than not, a decision was made. The decision to be courageous is one of those times. For a decade, I believed courage is something you’re born with; but the truth is, it’s a skill that can be learned. When you finally decide to do something that you feared doing in the past, they’ll be a window of a minute or less when fear will rear its ugly head. I call it the “courage threshold.” That is the moment you must stand up to that fear and move toward your goal. Don’t let fear stop your courageous journey. To choose to be courageous, we must…
- Choose a fear from your list that can potentially have a great impact on your quality of life.
- Choose a goal or activity you’ve always wanted to do that this fear prevents.
- Make a courageous decision to do it immediately. For example: If you want to get in shape, start exercising in your home immediately, or go to the gym immediately, or go online and subscribe to a gym membership right away.
- While you’re in the “courage threshold” stand your ground and show 1 minute or more of enormous courage.
let momentum carry you from there.
#10 Try New Things
Before pursuing a goal that fear has prevented, try doing some new things similar to that goal. Before jumping into the freezing ocean, you dip your toe in first, then both feet, then you go in up to your knees. When I wrote my first novel, I didn’t start with page one; I created an outline first, then character descriptions and subplots. Trying similar things will expand your comfort zone. It’s like you’re feeling things out, and slowly acclimating yourself to your fears. Before you know it, your fears will have been diminished and your courage strengthened.
#11 Visualize success
I’m not sure if the saying is, “if you can see it, you can achieve it,” but let’s go with it. This saying is referring to what many successful people do. They visualize what they plan on doing and how they plan on doing it, over and over again. This process is referred to as “mental mapping.” Mental mapping ensures that our actions follow a predetermined path. This process prepares you for success by cognitively getting you comfortable with being courageous. In other words, continuous visualizations of you being courageous, makes it much easier to do it when the opportunity comes. To visualize, you must…
- Find a quiet place to sit or lay down.
- Close your eyes and focus on your breathing to relax.
- Visualize achieving a specific goal.
- Then visualize the specific steps to achieve the goal.
- Feel the sensations of touching, smelling and being in that moment.
- Allow yourself to feel the emotions of achieving the goal.
- Repeat the images over and over.
- Do this at least twice a day: Ideally before you get out of bed in the morning, and when you lay down at night.
#12 Find a role model for inspiration.
Almost every time I’m in a tight spot, or need some clarity or inspiration; I look towards certain role-models. In particular, I will read or listen to specific quotes by Kobe Bryant, Eric Thomas or Will Smith. Find a role model whose virtues are similar to yours and whose success inspires you to do the same. These role models act as a physical representation of what you can accomplish. And since we’re on the topics of courage and fear; here’s one of my favorite and very relevant Will Smith Quotes. “Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice.”
#13 Keep practicing
Most of the things we do, after a while becomes a habit. These habits can either propel us to success or lead to our demise. Whether we realize it or not, being fearful can become a habit, and so can courage. Fear will always rear its ugly head, but it’s up to you which habit to undertake. To make courage a habit, you must practice these twelve steps routinely. That doesn’t mean life will get easier, but you will become more courageous.
Once again courage is not something you’re born with, but in my opinion, it’s something you can’t live without. Fear gives us an opportunity to find our strength to live a life worth living. Hopefully this article will help you find the courage you need. Also visit my YouTube channel for more insight to these topics.
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