What Does Bullying at work Look Like? (Workplace Bullies)
By Antoine G Larosiliere
It doesn’t matter what type of job I’ve had, every single last one of them had bullies. So, what does bullying at work look like?
A couple of months ago, a woman reached out to me from Ireland in tears because she was being bullied by several people at her job. I’m no expert by any means, but was able to give her some guidance. How helpful would that be to you if you knew all the different ways you could be potentially bullied at the job? By the time you finish reading this article, you’ll know exactly what to expect. So, what does bullying at work look like? It varies. There’s the coworker who’s deceptive. There’s the one who’s got a negative comment for everything.There’s the rude, often loud, and obnoxiously annoying coworker. There’s the power hungry coworker, or the one who’s passive aggressive. There’s the one who has a “Type A” personality and unintentionally bullies you. There’s the coworker who wants to be the center of attention, or the other one who tries so hard to fit in. Last but not least; there’s the charismatic, intelligent sociopath coworker, who’s usually in some type of management role.
“They are trying to get others to admire you less so they can feel better about themselves.”
Mr. or Ms. “Two Face”
This bully is the deceptive one. They go out of their way to be your friend, but in reality they are the enemy, your judas. They will compliment you and always say nice things about you to your face, but behind your back, to other co-workers; they speak ill of you. They admire you which is why they went out of their way to befriend you, but are also jealous of you, which is why they say the opposite behind your back. They are trying to get others to admire you less to feel better about themselves. They might even take credit for your work, so they can get the admiration you normally get.
Strategy:
- When you hear what they are saying behind your back, do not get upset.
If what they are saying is false you have no reason to get upset. - Focus on your performance: it will speak for itself and eventually your co-workers will see the truth.
- Laugh at the accusation and discredit its accuracy.
- Don’t retaliate
- Don’t let Mr or Mrs “Two Face know what you’ve heard.
- Do not reveal your true thoughts and feelings to them, so they can continue to expose themselves. By not revealing what you know, your co-workers will continue to bring you more information of what is being said and planned. This will put you in position to counter any plans against you.
- Slowly distance yourself from them, never allowing yourself to be readily available to them.
- Document everything abusive.
Kelly “The Critic”
Have you ever met someone who got a negative comment for everything? They never have anything nice to say, and if they do; it’s followed by more negative comments. Even when there is no need for a comment, or it is unwanted, they disregard your feelings or the appropriate moment for it. Well, that would be Kelly “the Critic,” in the hood we call them the “hater.” They enjoy destroying people’s confidence with harsh criticism. They will always find a flaw in your work or your approach, and always try to discredit your efforts even if they have to falsify documents.
Strategy:
- Do not get upset at the critic or retaliate, it’s a misuse of time and energy. The critic behaves in this manner with everyone. It’s not personal. They do this because they are displeased and unhappy with what they’ve accomplished and who they are thus far. They tear everyone else down, so they can feel less inadequate of what they’ve accomplished.
- If you must respond to this “hater,” express your concern and add in some compliments. Say things like, “not everyone can write as well as you,” or “I’m trying to execute the way you do but, apparently it’s not as easy as it looks.” Not only will this reverse the bully’s intentions, but they will also lose the motivation to keep criticising you.
- Document every abusive act towards you (just in case).
- Gather evidence (just in case).
“The Witch”
“The Witch” is the most common bully in the workplace. They are rude, often loud, and obnoxiously annoying. They enjoy humiliating people with their words, tone and actions. These people were victims of abuse themselves and their abusive actions are learned and seen very normal to them. They try to impose fear on others as a means of control. They like to control how people feel and how people act around them. It is because at some point early in their life, they had no control of the abuse they suffered.
Strategy:
- If you can, do not allow them to be in charge of team meetings or nominated as team leaders, because people don’t like being around or following them.
- Limit your interactions with them and never take what they say personally. Remember you’re not the only one they deal with in this manner.
- Try to understand they are not attacking you, they are attacking what you represent. You represent an opportunity for them to feel better about themselves.
- When they do attack you, don’t retaliate or get upset.
- Try to respond with an understanding tone and end it with a compliment. These people respond favorably to compliments, because it’s the opposite of what they are used to.
“The GateKeeper”
This co-worker is power hungry and revels in having any kind of authority at the workplace. They have a false sense of importance and like the ability of denying other co-workers tools, supplies or privileges. They like to have control on whether co-workers fail or succeed. This is also usually due to a lack of control in their personal life.
Strategy:
- Speak up and express your concerns to the bully.
- Document everything and save whatever evidence you can.
- Try and be pleasant when they proceed to deny you the resources you need. If that doesn’t work…
- Find out if they are doing the same to other co-workers.
- Review your workplace policies against bullying.
- Go see management to express your concerns.
- If management fails to do anything, seek legal guidance.
- Start looking for a new job.
The passive-aggressive bully
This workplace bully always has a backhanded compliment. It is an indirect slap to the face that sounds like a compliment. Like, “it looks much better than I expected,” or you finally finished your work on time.” Their bullying tactics are subtly executed. Like sending you instructions, with an importance piece missing, to set you up for failure. Another tactic they will use is misdirection. They will tell you one thing and tell your coworkers something else. They will try to sabotage you by moving meetings up and tell you at the last moment, or tell everyone else before you. This is often hard to detect because it looks like mistakes, not necessarily something done on purpose.
Strategy:
- Just say thank you and smile at the backhanded compliment.
- Reply with your own backhanded comment, just so they know you’re aware of what they are doing.
- Document all of their attempts to sabotage you and collect any potential evidence.
- Speak with them privately about your concerns without attacking them, be prepared for them to play “innocent.”
- Find out if this is an isolated situation or have they done this to others as well.
- Review your anti bullying workplace policies.
- If nothing changes, go speak to management and bring all your documentation and evidence.
The “Unintentional Bully”
These appear to be bullies but technically aren’t bullies. Most of their actions and verbage isn’t done to be malicious in any way. They tend to have a dominant type “A” personality and are very results focused. They are very direct with the intention of just getting the job done as quickly as possible. They are often clueless to how they affect others or careless. They are aggressive, unfiltered and time efficient, and they often overwhelm their co-workers, which often feels like bullying.
Strategy:
- Don’t take their actions personal, they treat everyone the same.
- Speak with them privately about their behavior, not in front of others. Most of the time they are not aware of the moral they are disrupting.
- If speaking with them doesn’t work, keep your distance.
- Ask if most of the dialog necessary can be done through email or text.
Mr./Mrs. “Thirsty”
This coworker wants to be the center of attention. They try to buddy up to the supervisors with compliments and kind gestures and are helpful to new employees and influential colleagues. They will befriend you to get personal information from you, only to use it later if and when you two are no longer close. They will turn on you if you are not receptive to their help or don’t give them the attention they seek. They try to get sympathy when you reject them and play victim.
Strategy:
- Don’t allow yourself to get close or form a friendship with them early one.
- If you do befriend them withhold personal information.
- If you ignore them initially, they are not a problem. They will only stick around people who will provide the attention they seek.
- Document the behavior if it becomes obsessive or toxic.
- Distancing can work, unless they become obsessive.
- They will play victim, you must not feed into it.
- Don’t waste your time explaining why you’re distancing yourself, they won’t get it.
- Speak to management and bring your evidence.
The “Wannabe”
This is the coworker that tries too hard to fit in, too hard to be around you, too hard to get recognition for doing the things you get recognition for. These are the people who are not comfortable in their own skin, so they try to be whatever will get them recognition at the moment. Wannabes tend not to be very good at their jobs, that’s why they try to copy more competent workers. Wannabe’s are completely untrustworthy, because you never know what to expect. They will betray you, for recognition at the first opportunity.
Strategy:
- Start to distance yourself: act as if you’re too busy with other things
- Don’t share anything personal with them
- Don’t show them how you prepare or execute a task.
- If you must teach them; expect no credit.
- Don’t believe a word they say, it’s usually lies.
- Don’t entrust them with tasks that are of grave importance.
- Document any unwanted behavior
Mr./Mrs. “Know it all”
This coworker is pretty good at their jobs, and sometimes they are the resident expert. They excel in technical skills but usually poor communicators and also lack emotional intelligence. They also tend to have a superiority complex and are often condescending. They are never wrong and rarely accept responsibility for their actions. They will disregard rules and policies and cordial responses because they believe they are above these written and unwritten rules.
Strategy:
- Only go to them for technical assistance and expect rudeness
- Minimize casual interactions
- Video tape what they teach you, so you don’t go back to them for the same thing.
Señor/Señorita “Sociopath”
These are the charismatic, intelligent, articulate yet, the most dangerous bullies. They are expert manipulators and are the most untrustworthy. They are compulsive liars, that lie and manipulate to get what they want. They lack empathy, so hurting people does not deter them. Because of their charisma and intelligence, they tend to rise to positions of power relatively quick. They surround themselves with “yes men” and people who stroke their ego and do their bidding for them, for opportunities for promotion.
Strategy:
If your boss is a sociopath, it might be best to leave the job. Sociopaths don’t realize their faults even if you bring it to their attention. They rarely seek help, therefore they rarely change.
- Document all inappropriate comments and abusive actions.
- Gather as much evidence as possible.
- Review the anti bullying policies at your workplace.
- Make an appointment to speak with human resources.
- Seek legal counsel.
- Look for another job.
Workplace bullying is a serious problem in every industry and in every country. It affects all races and all classes from doctors to labourers. If left untreated or ignored the short and long term effects could be devastating. I hope this has been helpful. If workplace bullying involves violence, or stalking, please contact your local police station.
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