How Can I Build Self Confidence In My Child? (5 Life Altering Steps)
By Antoine G Larosiliere
One of the questions I get asked a lot as a parent and as an educator is, How can I build self confidence in my child?
I was a sophomore in college speaking with my psychology professor and what she said, I never forgot. She told me, “You’re not confident; you’re false confident.” Her name is Dr. Barrett and what she said sent me on a mission to build real self- confidence. Even now when I speak to other parents I’m asked, How can I build self confidence in my child? I try to imagine how much more I could have accomplished if I learned self-confidence in my adolescent years or younger, rather than my 20’s. I’m going to show you what has helped me and what I teach explicitly to the highschool boys I mentor. How can I build self confidence in my child? First, help them craft their image, then help them practice being the person they’re molding themselves to be. Help them discover what their strengths and weaknesses are and how to improve them. Lastly, help them set short and long-term goals to achieve.
“in their youth; men tend to have more confidence than women. As we age, women’s confidence eventually surpasses that of mens.”
Self-confidence should not be confused with self-esteem, they are similar but different. Self-confidence is defined as the belief and trust in one’s ability. Whereas self esteem is the overall satisfaction a person has with who they are and their abilities. In my experience the easier task is to improve your self-confidence. It even appears according to Zenger Folkman’s research, in their youth; men tend to have more confidence than women. As we age, women’s confidence eventually surpasses that of mens. So, through research, and experience I was able to identify five key steps to building your self-confidence.
#1 Craft your image
Crafting my image was the first thing I had to do. Your self image, or how you see yourself affects your confidence immensely. If you don’t like how you see yourself, you will not want to be visible or accessible to the outside world. You can’t build your confidence in solitude. Knowing you can do something is one thing, but others seeing you can do it is another. Third-party perspective reinforces your confidence at it’s infant stage. According to the StageofLife.com survey, “95% of teens have felt inferior at some point in their lives” and it was mostly due to their appearance. To craft your future self…
- Find several movies, articles, social media profiles of people who have the qualities you wish to attain.
- Select one quality from each person and write it down. Ex: how they groom, dress, walk, speak, stand, laugh, dance, ect…
- Adjust your posture: Adjusting your posture is a noticeable thing you can do that will affect how you’re perceived and will mask your lack of confidence while you build it. Don’t slouch, keep your hands by your sides, don’t fold your arms, you’ll come off defensive, don’t place your hands on your hips, it comes off too dominant. Learn more of these strategies at Mindtools.com
#2 Practice being the future you
The image you crafted in step #1 needs to be practiced. Not for one day, or a week, or a month; but as long as you need to for it to become part of your natural way of being. You may feel stupid or ridiculous practicing these things, but it is an absolute necessity.
- Every night before you go to sleep and every morning before you wake up visualize the future you.
- Practice everyday in front of the mirror: The mirror will let you know if you are executing the right walk, the right posture, the hand gestures ect… You’ll also be able to adjust the behavior until it looks right.
- Practice in front of friends and family: Once you are comfortable with what you see in the mirror and you believe you can execute it consistently, try it in front of people you’re comfortable around.
- Practice in public: Once you’re comfortable around family and friends, practice being the future you in public.
#3 Learn what your strengths and weaknesses are
You need to have a better understanding of who you are, to be able to guide yourself on where you want to go. You must take inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses. If you have more weaknesses than strengths, the goal is to reverse it. If you have more strengths than weaknesses, the goal is to increase the disparity. Confidence is about being comfortable doing things and being in situations that you weren’t comfortable before.
- Make a two list; one for your strengths and one for your weakness.
- Use your strengths list when visualizing the future you.
- Choose one weakness of the list to target.
- When that weakness is no longer a weakness, add it to your strengths list and choose another weakness of the list to target.
#4 Study the things you want to improve
Once you’ve chosen a weakness to target, you must educate yourself on how to strengthen it. Any skill, quality, personality or character trait can be improved if given the right amount of attention. Read a book, take a course, go see an expert, anything that will provide you with the knowledge base to improve yourself.
- Read a book, an article, or take a course on your perceived weakness.
- Practice or study at home alone until you’re comfortable.
- Practice or demonstrate your new found ability amongst friends and family.
- Practice and demonstrate your skill or ability in public.
#5 Set goals to achieve
Setting goals are different from improving your weaknesses. Once you’ve strengthened a weakness, you can now use this new skill or quality to achieve a desired goal. Setting and achieving goals is the most important part of developing self-confidence. Set yourself a goal or challenge that you can achieve and then set another. Eventually you will have a track record of success and accomplishments in areas you were uncomfortable or lacked experience in. So, when faced with adversity, and different scenarios you’ll have the confidence to know what to do.
- Identify a goal you want to achieve.
- Choose the new found skill or ability you will use to achieve this goal
- If it is a big goal, break it down into smaller goals: to make your goal more attainable.
- Identify the first step to achieve the goal. Make sure it’s a very small step.
- Identify a target date or timeframe for completing each step towards the goal.
- Reward yourself after the completion of each step: It gives you something to look forward to.
- After completing each goal, give yourself an even bigger reward.
- Choose your next goal.
- Repeat the process.
Self-confidence and a sense of competence go hand in hand. To get your child to be more confident they need to have a positive perception of their abilities. This happens through the achievements of goals no matter how great and small. This track record of success breeds true self-confidence. I hope this has been helpful. Also visit my YouTube channel for more insight to these topics.
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